Rupyal restaurant, Stanningley, July 2019

On a swelteringly hot evening in sunny Stanningley, our band of hungry brothers assembled for the next instalment of curry club. Our man Anthony ‘Dockers’ Dockray was the host for the evening and had opted for meeting at the Waggon & Horses public house with the meal planned for 9.30pm on the dot (yes dad) at Rupyal Restaurant.

All were suitably attired in summer gear, shorts and sunglasses aplenty, a rare appearance at any club but Dockers does always seem to land on fine weather for his gathering. The sun clearly shines on the righteous. A delightful pair of purple Converse were sported by our man TTT, they may have even first made an appearance on Tony’s first ever pub crawl which he informed us was in 1985, the year of Live Aid, that took in this very establishment.

Anybody find me...some purple Converse.

Two absentees were registered in the form of Danny O MIA and Creth O MMA. Creth is currently engaged in a training schedule inspired by that of Ivan Drago in Rocky 4 and couldn’t chance upsetting his carefully planned nutrition programme with a curry of unknown provenance. Word reached us that Danny has a gig planned for the next day and didn’t want to risk any injury to his delicate pinkies by lifting heavy pints and forkfuls of curry.

An immediate discussion point upon entering the ‘Waggon’ was the fact that Gled made short work of getting rid of one of his ‘hot’ £50 notes handed to him in the cab en route to the pub by Matthew. The club can only speculate what kind of deal had been done to lead to two ‘niftys’ been handed over early doors but the suggestion that Gled may be the kingpin of an organised crime gang cannot be discounted.

Conversation quickly turned to ‘faceapp’, most of us being introduced to it by Creth with some absolutely stunning results for some. Our man Scott was undoubtedly the star of the ‘faceapp’ show. Honourable mentions go to Liam ‘Lennie Lawrence’ Gledhill & our long lost curry club brother, Richard ‘Prince’ Lister too.

I was very, very drunk.

We were also informed that, on a recent trip to the capital some of Matthew's colleagues had taken exception to his note-perfect rendition of 'There was an old lady who swallowed a fly' on the train back home. The club were baffled by this mean-spiritedness towards one of our founder members, sad times when a man can't engage in an inoffensive sing-song on his way back to God's own county. 


Gled announced to the group his plans for a European sojourn to celebrate his 40^th year. Discussion turned to the beautiful cities of Europe and Matthew repeated his claims that a nice quiet weekend in Amsterdam is what’s required, a suggestion that fell on deaf ears throughout the evening with the trip organiser.

Drinks were downed and we made our way to the Jug and Barrel just up the road. TTT was delighted to see a TV outside with the cricket on but his delight soon turned to despair as he hurled a torrent of angry abuse about the quality of fielding on show before offering his opinions on another conversation about ADHD. Tony ‘The British people have had enough of experts’ Gove opted to debunk decades of behavioural study and research by declaring ‘”there’s no such thing, they’re just horrible little b**tards”. Let it not be said that the curry club doesn’t shy away from offering opinions on things we know nothing about.  

Quite right Tony.

Discussion again centred around TTT as he opined that having thrown down several tuna sandwiches on a recent day out boozing that he felt bloated and unwell and therefore could be Gluten intolerant. Quick as a flash, Scott queried this statement as he watched Tony quaff another mouthful of Erdinger asking “Is that why you’re drinking wheat beer then?" For once, TTT was rendered speechless but that may have been because of the blisters beginning to appear around his gluten intolerant lips.

Proving that it isn’t just Danny O who lowers the tone, a serious discussion on how to discipline toddlers quickly developed into a discussion on the degradation and incest that appears part of the modern p*rn online canon which our club members didn’t appear too keen on. Without stopping for breath the conversation flew on to the popular Leeds ‘Health & Leisure’ spot Winstons with clubman Jay Bailey innocently declaring “What’s Winstons?” to a chorus of derision and disbelief. It turns out though that this did appear to be genuine and Google proved the quality of their excellent search algorithms as Scott tried to find it by searching ‘Winstons knocking shop’ and there it appeared.

Well played Google

It was heartening to discover that our club members are lovers and not fighters when discussing scrapes that some had seen or been involved in over the years. Scott regaled a delightful tale of being punched in the back of the head by an unknown female #equality and Vinny fondly recalled being ready to square up to a local outside the long departed Morley nightclub ‘The Foundry’ then realising he actually could just run away and did just that. The quality of Morley drinking establishments was discussed with Vinny reminding the group that you had to ask for toilet roll to use the toilets in The Royal, a truly classy establishment.

On we went to our restaurant for the evening, Rupyal. First impressions were good with some remarking on the quality of the carpet?! This was quickly followed by the beautiful realisation that the restaurant had air conditioning.

As we all took our seats for the meal, our temporary blog author-in-chief reported that we had an unknown comment added in response to our last blog going by the name of ‘Leather on Willow’. Upon grilling of number one suspect & cricket fan Vinny it transpired that he “didn’t recall” leaving a comment about his fondness for pre-op members of the trans community and so the anonymous commenter remains a mystery.

As I’ve now realised is the case, by this point recollections of the evening become a little hazy. I do recall that poppadoms were immediate which was an excellent start, although only providing yoghurt sauce for them was a misstep though.


Dockers had dropped off beers earlier in the evening as this was a BYOB establishment and bottles of Tiger were quickly opened and enjoyed. Impressively, Dockers had already ordered our starters which was another example of excellent organisation, take note other club members. Your blog author did feel a little sheepish when I berated our host for not ordering shots until I was reminded that it was a BYOB establishment, a schoolboy error on my part. There is no forgiving the ordering of ice creams though. The dessert menus were already on our table when we arrived on this baking hot summer evening. These seemed to be quickly removed though, perhaps at the request of our host. Dockers had started the dessert trend and now he was ending it. 

I came back from the toilet to Jay being proclaimed the ‘King of Iceland’ by Matthew. I presumed this was to do with his excellent beard game and not a plan to replace Kerry Katona advertising the low-cost supermarket chain.

A very good starter plate arrived with the usual array of chops, kebabs and chicken.

A good variety of mains were chosen with diners commenting on the size of the extensive menu. Keema chicken Balti appeared to be a popular choice and with our man Creth missing his second club on the spin, our blog author shared mains with ‘The Fishmonger’ instead. Lots of comments about the slow-building spiciness of the meals which seemed to be just right for most but some did feel that their mains were too salty.

With a relatively small bill of £116 it was certainly good value and I think all club members would be very happy to return.

Jay Bailey is up next, planning on a retro gaming extravaganza in Kirkstall for the final club of the season.

There was still time for a slightly inebriated Gled to comment to our taxi driver as he inputted our postcode into his satnav, “Putting the postcode in the PDF I see”, confusing the popular file format for capturing and sending electronic documents with a satellite navigation system. An easy mistake to make, I’m sure we can all agree. Until next time.

Not a sat-nav

Gabbar - Leeds (June 2019)

To all of our readers (Hello Ukraine, hello Iran) who have been patiently waiting for the return of our blog during this fallow period, we welcome you back with the most open of arms. Your guest blogger this time is Daniel/Danny/Dan G/Grimboah (delete as appropriate), wilkommen.

Six whole months since the last blog and it seems fitting that we have returned on the club of surely the most celebrated, distinguished and blogworthy member of the club, our very own TTT.

Missing the usually steadfast presence of Crethy B who had selfishly chosen to head to Italia with his nearest and dearest rather than break bread with his band of brothers, we began our evening.

First port of call on our whistle-stop tour of Briggate was the ever-reliable Whitelocks, founded in 1715 making it the oldest pub in Leeds. Eight club members squeezed on a bench made for four on this damp June evening, poor Dockers and Vinny perched on the end trying to find a few centimetres of bench apiece. Attention quickly turned to mein host as we reminisced about blogs past, most of which have TTT being the undoubted star of the show. One hazy memory recounted was of the time Tony turned up to a club in Dewsbury, turning the air blue after an unpleasant journey that apparently took in planes, trains & automobiles. Continuing to vent his spleen TTT then headed to the boat house next door to the pub to try and order his pint, rather than the actual pub which would surely have been better equipped to quench our hosts thirst.  

Another club remembered through the blog was a trip to Table 27 in the hometown when Tony (Soprano?) wandered in greeting all the employees like a Mafioso and then casually stating that he often carries 500k in his wallet. This club was also notable for arguably the greatest one-liner of any club when one-time regular FONO Andy Graham responded to the waiter’s question of "Have you been here before?" with "Nah, I'm not a big curry drinker".

Back to this evening though and founder member Liam, known for his sartorial splendour didn’t let the side down when unzipping his jacket to reveal a charming ‘Lovejoy’ t-shirt.

Painful memories

The theme tune to Lovejoy ignited painful memories for co-founder Matthew of hitting the sack on a Sunday evening before the agony of a school week ahead. This sparked a lively discussion about other Sunday night television denoting the depressing onset of bedtime before school the next day. The jaunty Heartbeat theme tune was a particularly agonising sound to this evenings’ chronicler, and once regular blog writer Danny O gave us a haunting rendition of the Birds of a Feather theme tune, you could have heard a pin drop.

TTT took this opportunity to inform us that in Birds of a Feather, the randy neighbour ‘Doreen’ was in fact from Leeds, a cursory look on Wikipedia tells us that the actress has no connections to the West Riding whatsoever and was in fact born in North London #fakenews.



Not from Leeds

Politics popped up, as it often does with some club members lamenting the fact that a lying, unscrupulous chancer formed on the playing fields of Eton will be our next PM. Harsh words were shared about Morley’s local MP too but perhaps the worst opprobrium was reserved for the Mayor of the hometown for his choice of Lonsdale trainers whilst decked out in his Mayoral regalia showing no respect for the standards expected of high office.

Displaying a level of organisation rarely seen before in our host, we were briskly frog marched to the next watering hole. A short hop to The Ship saw Scotty 2 Hotty join the party, wisely keeping off the ale as he had orders to bark and deals to close the next day. Desperately trying hard not to offend with the bluntness of the question Matthew politely demanded of Scott ‘why are you late?’ anyway. Discussion turned to the incredible fertility of some club members, some apparently defying medical science to produce a procession of children. One member (try and guess) swears by the rhythm method and some members expressed an awareness of tantric methods, truly a diverse, spiritual club.

After what seemed like five minutes in The Ship we were whisked away again by TTT to our next stop. Our guest blog writer managed to spot our hosts plan though as I hurriedly tried to finish my pint, leaving a few dregs in the bottom, only for it to be gulped down by TTT as we left. Thirsty work cleaning windows in rainy June it would seem.

Our final stop before the meal was The Wrens, always a popular stop off. Upon arrival, our eagle-eyed once-regular blogger, Danny O spotted local soap star ‘Zak Dingle’ from Emmerdale who was far too engrossed in the women’s football match to oblige us with a selfie. Poor form from the big man but never let it be said that the club gets in the way of a man’s enjoyment of South Africa v. China Ladies #cluboffeminists #sportsbras.

"I'm watching the football"

Into the restaurant we go then, bang on time due to extraordinarily efficient host TTT. Gabbar was a new restaurant for the club and we were led upstairs to a very welcoming looking dining area. Club stalwart Vinny remarked that this might be the first time we have eaten without any other diners and it was hard to remember a quieter dining experience. The weather probably impacted on how busy the restaurant was.

On to the menu and poppadom’s came quickly with a good pickle tray, beers ordered and attention turned to mains. Rajasthani Laal Maas was a popular dish, as was the Navratan Kofta, a mashed potato dish. ‘Lamb man’ Jay Bailey even opted for the Navratan Kofta, proving how attractive the potato and paneer based dish was. We were offered the option of how hot we wanted our dish to be, always a good sign. Most opting for medium but Matthew opting for the ‘fires of hell’ strength #brave.

Poppadom's

Recollections from this instalments blog writer become hazy here as, speaking frankly, I was a bit p***ed by this point, hiccupping all the way home despite Danny’s attempts to shock them out of me as he got out of the cab. Thanks anyway Dan.

Complimentary drinks were provided for the group though which is always a nice touch. Service was good (I think!) and plates were clear by the end, suggesting the smaller than usual starter was a good thing as everyone actually had room for their mains for once.

Some members stated that they would have preferred a little more spice and some perhaps felt their dish was a bit too ‘creamy’. Personally speaking my two dishes with my new partner Vinny (sorry Creth, when the cat’s away…) were a delight, especially the mashed spuds.

At £180 for nine diners, the price was competitive although we just missed the threshold of 50% off for eight diners. Our host was very happy with the bill though regardless, as he should be, for a man who regularly has 500k in his wallet #smallchange.  

Early reports of ‘minimal gas’ and ‘solid deliveries’ suggest that this won’t be the last time we visit Gabbar. Next up will be Dockers who always puts on a delightful club, so until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

  

   

Shebabs, Leeds (December 2018)

“Now I have a poppadom. Ho – Ho – Ho.” Yes, the Christmas club was upon us and hosting duties fell on the club’s resident Santa – myself. Again. Every year. The perfect time to need a spare few hundred quid to feed an eager, hungry troop of men. Some comrades were absent though, with Vinny Vine in the Southern States, Steve Dobson doing a Dickens by becoming the ghost of curry’s past, and Danny Grimes a victim of the festive lurgy - although he didn’t confirm if it was the nose or bum. I often find a curry aids the former and as we all know fuels the latter. Numbers were boosted however by a FONO appearance of former club member, who was back home for Christmas, the ‘Englishman in Penrith’ Listep (“Oh oh, I’m an alien, I’m an illegal alien.”)

Giving TTT the finger

Meeting took place in the relatively new Box bar in Leeds centre, a branch of the popular Headingley joint. With its American sports bar vibe, the pints of Blue Moon and Budvar flowed well, suggesting we’d not reached our swill capacity over the Christmas period just yet. Matty and Jay dog had even been out since 2pm, so there was a danger at least one of them could be face down in a Bhuna come dining time. I did enjoy Matty’s reasoning of frequent afternoon boozing as “it’s only like drinking water isn’t it?” Wisdom to pass on to our children - and our children’s children.

After some initial family chit chat and a resounding agreement that Norman Price from Pontypandy should be on an ASBO, the general manliness was resumed as we entertained ourselves with footage on Broady’s phone courtesy of ‘Steve Shark’ productions – mainly of stuff you won’t find on Google. Or the normal internet. Maybe that dark dodgy one.

The Madras was quite spicy!

As we moved on to another relatively new bar, Craft Asylum – this wasn’t met with optimism from some as we walked through its doors. Broady announced his displeasure with the clientele being ‘frickin millennials’ (only he didn’t use frickin’) and Listep (auto-corrected into my notes as Lobster on my phone) exclaimed his belief that we had “already exceeded our limit of craft ale places”. Both statements were said at volume. Craft ale purchased, a healthy debate ensued based on my statement that Raiders Of The Lost Ark had too many scary bits to be shown at 2 in the afternoon - which it was that day. I mean that end scene with melting faces is still terrifying now! Surely?! Tony felt that Jaws was also ok for afternoon viewing. I’m sure kids will be happy to see a man bitten in half and eaten alive before their fish fingers and chips. I personally think he was getting mixed up with Free Willy. The actual Free Willy too, not the Steve Shark production on Broady’s phone. With the table booked, it was time to make tracks to the restaurant – a journey which saw Tony being a good citizen and helping someone pick up their bottles of Bud that they’d dropped on the floor. They thanked him for his kind gesture but the club members were wise to his actual intentions of angling for a free beer. As Cliff Richard says, Christmas is a time for giving….free beer.

Shebabs, Leeds

A nice looking place, we were promptly shown to our table with ‘throne’ like chairs and handed the eco-friendly menus – maybe made of rice paper? Now as everybody knows the first thing you want to do in a restaurant is piss off the staff to ensure your curry is spiked. So as our drink order was taken and waiter summarised with “So about 5 Cobra’s and 3 Kingfishers?” Matty murderously looked him in the eye and told him “No – not about. How about you bring us what we actually ordered. Capiche?” I think after that the staff knew we meant business as the food order switched to a lady and the service there onwards was highly efficient - likely through fear of Matty’s wrath.

After devouring the ‘pops’ the starters then arrived, which was a mix of seafood, vegetable and meat platters – and these were delicious! And plenty! The fish in particular received rave reviews from all members – with some touting it the best fish starter ever. Anticipation for the mains was high after this, and thankfully did not disappoint – the food was very tasty and lots of it. I couldn’t tell you what everyone had as I was too engrossed in my Rogan Josh. Mmm. With such large portions (ooh matron), some food was left for bagging up – which was done by Matty #nodiggity. He bagged up everybody’s remains for what was sure to be a mish mash of curry flavours for the following days lunch. After all, he needed to fuel up for another session it seemed as he attempted to entice Listep in another 2pm start - giving him stick for putting a Christmas visit to his mum over sitting with him in the Morley Mercantile for 6 hours.

Members were chanting for me ‘to do a Gledhill’ and demand shots on the house but my polite approach to the manager fell on deaf ears. All was not lost though as I was told I could have as many mint imperials as I’d like. Score. Broady took a few for the long journey back to his car, thanks to Matty making him park closer to Zimbabwe than Leeds centre. Coming in at £235, it is on the higher side of the price line but for excellent food and ‘mmm lots’ of it, it’s probably worth it.

Cheers for reading!

An entertaining journey home in Gledhill’s car as Matty was caught checking his pulse – “it’s just something I do now”. Probably for the best. There was also a debate on toilet roll usage and just how many sheets are needed, per wipe, post poo. The consensus seemed to agree 3 or 4 sheets, folded for that extra ply was a better option than Matty’s ludicrous World War 1 ration of 1 sheet per wipe ratio. Wash your hands Matty. Wash those hands.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year from the Curry Club!

Until next time,

Danny

Shazaam's - Morley (November '18. Round 2)

As our readers across the pond, along with the rest of the United States filled up on their thanksgiving Turkey – we were certainly thankful for another dose of curry, so soon after the season opener. I’m sure you’re thankful for two blogs in the space of a few weeks! We truly are back. Host Matt Burton decided to keep things on his doorstep, with Morley our destination and the Picture House (cryptically known as ‘Wethers’ or ‘Spoons’ to the locals) as our meeting point.

M.I.A. for the 2^nd week in row, Steve wisely decided to keep himself in his wife’s good graces by staying in to consume the fine roast dinner she’d spent time to prepare. I’m sure he didn’t miss the good times, ale and camaraderie. Dockers was also absent as he was extending his stay in the U.S. of A. #poetry, which led to the club's discovery of his family villa in Florida – prompting members to call him various versions of excrement due to the lack of invite to the Sunshine State. Scott was another casualty but with a mere ‘work engagement’ given for a reason. However, a depleted club was boosted by the late draft of ‘Big Jason’ in the 2^nd FONO appearance of his curry career – important not to confuse with ‘Regular Size Jason’ of course. Regular Jason has normal sized hands and can wear normal sized gloves. Big Jason has them custom made from sleeping bags.

A sight to behold

As members perused the vast array of ales on offer at JD’s Morley branch, TTT had his head in his phone - to a ‘customer’ he claimed but his loved up eyes and wagging tail told us otherwise. Regular Size Jay was searching for a ‘zero percenter’ to drink, being behind the wheel. This raised a debate whether non-alcoholic beer acted like a placebo, making it redundant for driver safety. We recalled our time in Berlin when Matty was breathalysed the morning after a ‘sesh’ before embarking on our beer bike and was found to be 28 times over the limit. Or maybe it was 280 times. Strong German beer after all. With driving on our minds, a chuckle was raised when ‘Little J’ likened Matty’s erratic driving on a previous club to doing a lap with Alain Prost. Vinny also announced he was with vehicle as he admitted to being a bit whammed at the last club and actually ran home from the curry joint. It brought back memories of my youth, running home from the local after-hours hotspot at 3am with red eyes and empty pockets – only stopping for passing taxis and traffic so it didn’t look like I’d just committed a burglary. Anyone else? Just me? Ok. Let’s move on – just like we did – to the Morley Mercantile or ‘Merc’ for short. We are a creative bunch.

Matty found out there was no Guinness in 'nam

A gentleman’s establishment of old – and I don’t mean vintage strippers – it is a members only club similar to a working men’s, with traditions a plenty – like no caps, shorts or women. Seems reasonable. Widely predicted as a venue for tonight as Matty is of course on the board. He may even be chairman. Either way, we were happy to drink amongst men, especially with the rare beast of Tetley’s Cask available to sup. And with a fresh looking rebrand, we can only hope this fine Yorkshire drink gets a tap in more places.

Matty's forthcoming trip to Vietnam created a few belly laughs as we joked about him on the flight wearing camo and went through several profanities to be chalked on the side of his helmet. A question was then raised about how old the Curry Club is. You’d think founding members Liam and Matt would have valuable insight but alas, the Tetley’s had taken hold and their assessment was ‘longer than 10 years. Maybe 15 years?' The blog itself has been alive for 5 years so nearer the 15 methinks. Anyway, it was an excuse to recall past members who have fallen along the way. Not died. Just left the club. Which means they are essentially dead to us. Of course club legend ‘Crazy Martin’ came to mind and we pondered what would happen if current resident club crazy ‘Treble T’ came into contact with Crazy Martin. Many thought an apocalypse like when crossing the streams in Ghostbusters but I think more like Timecop, when the evil senator touches himself (ooh err) and combusts into a hot, red, blob type mess. Speaking of which, it was time to dine.

Crazy Martin & TTT share a bathroom break

Shazaam’s, Morley

Not to be confused with the popular song identifying app, Shazaam’s open glass front shows it has nothing to hide – but the front door glass being smashed didn’t inspire confidence. Still, this isn’t a Safestyle UK showroom – so let’s not judge. Unfortunately, we were not exactly welcomed with a warm embrace, far from it, even though we looked to be the only customers they’d had for the evening. Still, this isn’t Hugs 'R' Us. Matty went off to the counter in what looked to be heavy negotiations on price. Matty’s stern faced discussion technique coupled with an eerie silence from the kitchen had poor Broady believing he was in an episode of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. “I can’t hear anything, I can’t smell anything – we’re getting frozen food microwaved I’m telling you,” voicing his concern.

There's a deal to be had

Mixed starters and mains ordered, our host then took centre stage to garner the sundries order in what seemed to be a relaxed business meeting style; stood up, hands in pockets. I liked it. Taking charge in a non-aggressive manner. Some good prep also meant he’d dropped of crates of Cobra beforehand, meaning we could refresh ourselves while enjoying some delicious popa-……wait, oh dear, we had no popadoms or pickle tray offered. Poor. The starters arrived soon enough and the standard selection of lamb chops, tikka, kebab etc. was surprisingly tasty and enjoyed by all. But again this was let down by the service as no raita sauce was provided with the starters and needed to be requested.

Talk turned to what men like to do in their spare time, with reading a book or having a luxury bath in Red Dead Redemption 2 being among some options offered. If you’re yet to take the luxury soak in RD2 then please – go right ahead and come back. We understand. It was this discussion where Broady and I realised that our shared passions of gaming, sports, beer and the like would mean we’d be happy as fudge (ITV version) if we just married each other. Invites to follow. The mains arrived and a resounding ‘meh’ I think is best to describe it. It wasn't bad, with a bit ‘watery’ and not spicy enough being some of the comments aired. Big J (not tiny J) had ordered Madras strength, which usually signals the fire brigade are needed but even that was deemed too mild.

All in all a very entertaining evening with an albeit average curry. Service left somewhat to be desired but hopefully an improvement perhaps when the restaurant is a bit more lively and they have the A team out front. Matty's hard-ball negotiating seemed to do the trick on price, with the entire shebang coming in at £100, so it was worth what was paid. Gas was deemed to be mild and acceptable for most, so it seemed I took the brunt with my Garlic Chicken Tikka, as an emission from my human exhaust the next morning had me saying ‘that is disgusting’ to myself. Out loud.

Until next time.

Danny

Bengal Brasserie - Oakwood (October 2018. Round 1.)

By Mathew Burton

Where's Tony?!

Bonjour one and all! It’s great to be back after a short sabbatical. Ever the ones to stick to tradition we were at the mercy of Mr Liam Gledhill who is always first out to bat. Apologies from Messrs Dobson, Broadwith and O’Grady. We didn’t get the memo regarding Dobbo so a cloak and dagger absence, meanwhile Broady was wrestling a greased pig and Danny was wrestling the bog – something which we’d all be doing in the dawn of morning. All three were greatly missed and missed a great evening.

I normally rely on the generosity and will power of a designated driver, no-one threw their cap into the ring though and so Uber it was. Two stars for our driver I’m afraid as smoking in the car is a big no-no. Reeking of Benson & Hedges we successfully negotiated the Gaza strip (aka Chapeltown) and landed at the Stew & Oyster in Roundhay. All managed to follow the meet instructions perfectly, bar one. Yes, you guessed it. Tony Tanner. A complaint from the TTT in WhatsApp that he was boozing solo confirmed he was hobnobbing in the Stew & Oyster in Leeds City Centre. All the steamy love making of late must be affecting his concentration.

Does he look like a a 70's pornstar?

No Guinness on tap used to be an issue for me – but less so these days, although my head this morning would not agree that is necessarily a good thing. The beer and conversation flowing, our resident social scientist Vinny outlined that our generation of thirty-somethings had the luxury of knowing and seeing the transition between landline and mobile dependency. Scott then piped up, claiming that children nowadays try to ‘zoom in’ on a physical piece of paper as if it were an iPad. We then imagined how a game of Guess Who? would work these days, given the sensitivity of discussing a person’s gender, race or appearance – it could make for an exhausting Christmas Day if you get that as a stocking filler. A great game nonetheless.

“Get me a schooner of High Wire” demanded club Chair Liam. No, I’d no idea either – it’s two thirds of a pint – most likely designed for those who have a thirst and 10 minutes to wait for the bus or are waiting for the wife while she’s in the opticians. It’s not usually a measure reserved for a standard night out but what Liam wants, Liam gets. He claimed it was a strong brew and so that was the sensible option to limit intake - although 3 schooners later he may as well stuck to the norm. Maturing pickled olives in a jar make for juvenile comments, not to be repeated here as the blog is far too high brow for all that.

Bengal Brasserie - Oakwood

With that we moved across to the restaurant, Bengal Brasserie wondering how the Oakwood branch would stack up against its city-living sister branch. The answer; very nicely indeed. Kingfisher on tap, Cobra in bottles, 2 poppadum’s each and a pickle tray – of which to Tony’s delight, contained lime pickle – to others, an acquired taste. Four mixed starters arrived, which contained the usual fayre and I’d like to be able to tell you how it tasted, but as I was sharing with Dockers, after dropping my fork, most of it had gone by the time I’d picked it up! I’m told it was nice and up to our high standards. Mains ordered, it’s worth special note that Dockers went full tilt and ordered his dish ‘madras strength’, which brought an inward chuckle from yours truly.

Oi - You mug!

The mains were brought out with unbelievable efficiency. By now it was 1 waiter to 2 diners and each dish was served in a traditional and unique vessel. It’s at this point I must apologise dear readers as things get a little hazy from my point of view; perhaps I should have opted for a schooner or two. What I am certain of is that everyone enjoyed what they had and true to form there was plenty of bagging up (no diggity).

As Liam looked over the bill, continuing his commanding mood he decided to do his best impression of Albert Square’s villainous Johnny Allen and demand shots on the house! The basis for this was that ‘we get it at the other place’. So, a special thanks to Bengal Brasserie for everything - including the 2 Amaretto, 5 Drambuie and 1 Cognac which cleansed our pallets.

Watch what you're doing.

Matty

Silky smooth....the drink

Bengal Brasserie - Leeds (December 2017)

Some people believe that Christmas is a time of miracles, and maybe it is for our dear readers - as here is brand new entry in the curry club blog! Yes, somewhere in the midst of wrapping presents, putting tinsel on trees and eating copious amounts of sugary treats – 10 wise men managed to squeeze in a trip to Leeds centre to enjoy the festive edition of curry club.

The host was yours truly, and thanks to previous stints as Christmas club host, I knew to prep for a big night, just like good old Santa Claus himself. As such, a table was pre-booked at the newly opened Bengal Brasserie opposite Leeds arena and club member Danny Grimes, as giddy as Will Ferrell’s Elf, demanded we all wear Christmas jumpers to mark the occasion. So you can imagine everyone’s disappointment when we all met in the Headrow House, cleverly located on the Headrow, to find Grimes sporting his standard check oxford shirt and no Christmas jumper. From a man who takes fashion seriously, we were expecting big things. Perhaps a jumper reminiscent of Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’ video. But alas, we were all left ‘Scrooged’.

He wasn’t the only one mind, Gled continued his high school excuses with “it was in the wash”, Dockers claimed he “doesn’t own one” and didn’t have the creative mind of Neil Buchanan to just simply throw some glitter on himself, and Broady went with the tried and tested ‘I forgot’.

The Headrow House has some fine beverages on offer, as the group enjoyed a few pots of Five Points Ale and Pilsner Urquell – which was served in frosted glasses too #refreshing. Not all were happy with the selection though as Matty ‘The Guinness Man’ Burton grumbled as they did not offer his lifeblood of the black stuff, and so turned to the dark beer Schneider Weisse. Although it wouldn’t keep him alive, it kept the man quiet for a while. We stimulated our minds with the usual low level conversation pieces, as Vinny recalled a tale of a past encounter with a lady with a glass eye – prompting Scott to contemplate utilising the empty eye socket for extra ‘fun times’. This could be new depths.

As we moved on, TTT – who went full Christmas with his reindeer jumper hood combo - lunged about like a mad man through the streets but alas this was not the reason we were refused entry into the Belgrave Music Hall. Although it was a midweek early evening, and in a sober state, re-enforced by Gled carrying bags of shopping - it was deemed there was no room at the inn for a group of Gentlemen looking for pre-curry shelter. Too many Joseph’s, not enough Mary’s. Thankfully, the club was given sanctuary in Rum & Reason across the way. So to Belgrave we say ‘Bah humbug’! A swift one in Manhatta so TTT could show off his dance moves, hoping for a few carrots, it was on to our dining destination.

Bengal Brassiere – Leeds City Centre

A very stylish and modern décor, Bengal Brassiere oozes sophistication and it was well matched by the warm welcome from finely dressed staff. Ushered to our seat, we were soon enjoying our popadoms– which came with a tray of 6 different pickles! The waiter began to take our mains order in clockwise order, but TTT decided to jump from 2 to 6pm, perhaps jumping the gun due to his excess energy levels not extinguished through busting enough reindeer moves. Back on track, the waiter took our order from a fine menu, with plenty of fish variety to quench Vinny’s inevitable aquatic creature thirst. As we awaited the starter, poor Jay-dog had to watch the very last piece of popadom agonisingly fall to the floor. Never mind, he didn’t have to wait long as the mixed grill starters arrived, and were sizzling so much, we lost Broady in the smoke. But wow – the sizzling starters were very tasty, piping hot and fresh.

As we await the mains, our attention is turned to the creepy Christmas music sang by children – an unsavoury distraction from an otherwise pleasing atmosphere. With Christmas music now on our minds, a question was asked whether Gary Glitter’s festive hit should be allowed on compilation albums – we all concluded, it should not. This did lead to Tony’s wild claim that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were ‘up to no good’ along with Glitter – and it is here I point out that the club firmly did not agree with these allegations based on nothing against the rock legends.

Ho ho ho

The mains arrived and rivalled the starters for their culinary excellence. Thick sauces, and quality meat a plenty from the specials, classic curries to Tandoori grills - all members were more than satisfied diners. Discussion turned to movies, with favourite Christmas films at the forefront. Selections ranged from the classics like It’s A Wonderful Life, to more modern greats like Die Hard and Home Alone. What was great to hear was that TTT’s favourite Christmas film of all time was….Ghostbusters. Classic Tony answer probably mistaking the Stay Puft marshmellow mans exploded parts for snow. He did redeem himself with Trading Places though and most likely his choice rested firmly on Jamie-Lee Curtis' 'shoulders'...ahem.

Looking good, feeling good

Coming in at £250 for 10 diners, it’s slightly on the pricier side but considering the quality of food and service, it’s worth the little extra. And they very kindly gave a festive Bailey’s gratis. This seemed to fuel the testosterone and bravado in some as Scott and Docker’s duelled at arm wrestling, of which Scott triumphed rather comfortably. He then called out the other silverback of the group, Broady who was full of big game talk like ‘you’re built for show, I’m built to go’ but alas, he shirked the challenge – claiming he needed 10 minutes to get an erection to boost his performance. I’m not entirely sure he grasped the concept of an arm wrestle and thankfully, we left before he could ‘rise to the occasion’.

On that note, all members of the club would like to wish you all a very, very merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Cheers

Danny

Merry Christmas, love the club!