As our readers across the pond, along with the rest of the
United States filled up on their thanksgiving Turkey – we were certainly thankful for another dose of curry, so soon after the season opener. I’m sure
you’re thankful for two blogs in the space of a few weeks! We truly are back. Host Matt Burton
decided to keep things on his doorstep, with Morley our destination and the
Picture House (cryptically known as ‘Wethers’ or ‘Spoons’ to the locals) as our
meeting point.
M.I.A. for the 2nd week in row, Steve wisely decided
to keep himself in his wife’s good graces by staying in to consume the fine
roast dinner she’d spent time to prepare. I’m sure he didn’t miss the good times, ale and
camaraderie. Dockers was also absent as he was extending his stay in the U.S. of
A. #poetry, which led to the club's discovery of his family villa in Florida – prompting members to call him various versions of excrement due to the lack of invite to
the Sunshine State. Scott was another casualty but with a mere ‘work
engagement’ given for a reason. However, a depleted club was boosted by the
late draft of ‘Big Jason’ in the 2nd FONO appearance of his curry career – important not to confuse with ‘Regular Size Jason’ of course. Regular Jason has normal sized hands and can wear normal sized gloves. Big Jason has them custom made from sleeping bags.
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| A sight to behold |
As members perused the vast array of ales on offer at JD’s
Morley branch, TTT had his head in his phone - to a ‘customer’ he claimed but
his loved up eyes and wagging tail told us otherwise. Regular Size Jay was
searching for a ‘zero percenter’ to drink, being behind the wheel. This raised
a debate whether non-alcoholic beer acted like a placebo, making it redundant
for driver safety. We recalled our time in Berlin when Matty was breathalysed
the morning after a ‘sesh’ before embarking on our beer bike and was found to
be 28 times over the limit. Or maybe it was 280 times. Strong German beer after
all. With driving on our minds, a chuckle was raised when ‘Little J’ likened
Matty’s erratic driving on a previous club to doing a lap with Alain Prost.
Vinny also announced he was with vehicle as he admitted to being a bit whammed
at the last club and actually ran home from the curry joint. It brought back
memories of my youth, running home from the local after-hours hotspot at 3am
with red eyes and empty pockets – only stopping for passing taxis and traffic so it didn’t
look like I’d just committed a burglary. Anyone else? Just me? Ok. Let’s
move on – just like we did – to the Morley Mercantile or ‘Merc’ for short. We
are a creative bunch.
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| Matty found out there was no Guinness in 'nam |
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| Crazy Martin & TTT share a bathroom break |
Not to be confused with the popular song identifying app,
Shazaam’s open glass front shows it has nothing to hide – but the front door
glass being smashed didn’t inspire confidence. Still, this isn’t a Safestyle UK showroom – so let’s not judge. Unfortunately, we were not exactly welcomed with
a warm embrace, far from it, even though we looked to be the only customers
they’d had for the evening. Still, this isn’t Hugs 'R' Us. Matty went off to the
counter in what looked to be heavy negotiations on price. Matty’s stern faced
discussion technique coupled with an eerie silence from the kitchen had poor
Broady believing he was in an episode of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. “I can’t
hear anything, I can’t smell anything – we’re getting frozen food microwaved
I’m telling you,” voicing his concern.
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| There's a deal to be had |
Mixed starters and mains ordered, our host then took centre
stage to garner the sundries order in what seemed to be a relaxed business
meeting style; stood up, hands in pockets. I liked it. Taking charge in a
non-aggressive manner. Some good prep also meant he’d dropped of
crates of Cobra beforehand, meaning we could refresh ourselves while enjoying
some delicious popa-……wait, oh dear, we had no popadoms or pickle tray offered.
Poor. The starters arrived soon enough and the standard selection of lamb
chops, tikka, kebab etc. was surprisingly tasty and enjoyed by all. But again this
was let down by the service as no raita sauce was provided with the starters
and needed to be requested.
Talk turned to what men like to do in their spare time, with
reading a book or having a luxury bath in Red Dead Redemption 2 being among
some options offered. If you’re yet to take the luxury soak in RD2 then please
– go right ahead and come back. We understand. It was this discussion where
Broady and I realised that our shared passions of gaming, sports, beer and the
like would mean we’d be happy as fudge (ITV version) if we just married each
other. Invites to follow. The mains arrived and a resounding ‘meh’ I think is
best to describe it. It wasn't bad, with a bit ‘watery’ and
not spicy enough being some of the comments aired. Big J (not tiny J) had
ordered Madras strength, which usually signals the fire brigade are needed but
even that was deemed too mild.
All in all a very entertaining evening with an albeit
average curry. Service left somewhat to be desired but hopefully an improvement
perhaps when the restaurant is a bit more lively and they have the A team out
front. Matty's hard-ball negotiating seemed to do the trick on price, with the entire shebang coming in at £100, so it was worth what was paid. Gas was deemed to be mild and acceptable for most, so it seemed I took
the brunt with my Garlic Chicken Tikka, as an emission from my human exhaust the
next morning had me saying ‘that is disgusting’ to myself. Out loud.
Until next time.
Danny
