ADULT HUMOUR: The club kick-started the new year with a jaunt to
Horsforth for January's edition and so it only seemed right to meet in the
aptly named 'Horsforth' pub. Busy with diners, it was difficult to find a spot
where we couldn’t smell the food and so the hunger struck the group early.
Fresh from a weekend at Haydock races for Gledhill's last stand before his
forthcoming nuptials - which was also the reason for his absence - chat
inevitably focussed on our day at the nags, and many a giggle was shared over
our unique game of Jenga on frequently mentioned former member Crazy Martin.
Surely up there with the time we put some spoons in his shoe and he didn’t
notice, and couldn’t figure out why he sounded like John Wayne as he walked.
Great days. We moved on to the Kobe Bar on New Road Side, which was nice and
busy with an acoustic artist playing in the background. It was here we
discovered it was 'Phil Collins Day' - I don’t know how or why, maybe there was just 'something in the air' that night, badum
tish - be sure to tip your waitress. We then headed across the road to the
Forge Bar, which was a really nice establishment with fine ales on offer and
again we're serenaded with an acoustic act. With just 7 minutes to go before
our 10pm booked slot, Matty, TTT and Dockers opted to get another pint.
'Against all odds' (wayyy) they managed to turbo these down in time to move on,
ready to dine.
East (At Enigma), New Road Side, Horsforth
After we had negotiated the tight stairwell, the group
was greeted in nice surroundings and led straight to the table without delay.
We were presented with fine leather embossed menus, showing early signs of
quality, sparing no expense #johnhammond . The waiter notified us of a special
meatball curry, and he sold it with a confidence akin to Swiss Tony selling a
Nissan Cherry. But trained in curry as we are, we didn’t fall for his pitch,
well most of us anyway. TTT manned up for the meatball curry, and other dishes
ordered included a Hyderabad, a Lamb Monty and a Nassar and Khass (a type of
brandy) in what was a great menu selection on offer it has to be said. Host
Scott showed some reluctance when it came to the sundry order, perhaps saving
pennies for his wedding, which was also on the horizon in what is a busy
wedding season for the club. And some say 'You Can't Hurry Love'.
With this in mind, Scott's stag do came to the fore, and
although a few weeks away needed to be discussed due to, let's say some
substandard communication from his best man. This brought forth one of the
highlights of the evening as Tony, in true TTT fashion delivered a killer random
question on the man's profession - "He's a military man isn't he? He's a
military man, a military man, a military military military man." Needless
to say, we've approached Status Quo as a possible follow up hit to 'In The Army
Now'. After finishing our poppadoms, accompanied by a limited pickle tray
selection, we notice a blanket of smoke coming from the kitchen and so we fear
for our sizzler starters. We can only assume the first batch intended for our
table perished as unfortunately, we had a long 45 minute wait for them to
eventually arrive. Thankfully, the old proverb is proven correct and good
things do come to those who wait. The mixed sizzlers were absolutely
sensational - plenty of delicious fish, chops, kebab and chicken to go around
and none was left for the crows. Although only a secondary aspect, even the
side salad was higher quality than normal and so the starters warranted their
'best starter ever' tag from most members.
Hoping for a shorter wait time for the mains, we entertained
ourselves as TTT explained his use of a hosepipe and bucket, but not for
washing windows. This lead to the invention of a new TV show called Men
Behaving Retardedly, starring TTT and Crazy Martin. Are you reading Channel 5?
The mains arrived in better time, albeit still slow and in a desperate bid to
get his meatball commission, the waiter brought two portions. 10/10 for effort.
Aside from said meatball dish, all the mains were delicious and enjoyed
thoroughly by all, with a very fresh taste and a great consistency of sauce
over big chunks of meat. Superb stuff. The size of the portions meant there was
some 'bagging up' (no diggity) but the leftover meatballs were left well alone.
We all had a taste and were in agreement with Tony, they were not very good.
Overall, a fantastic meal but let down by slow service
and those pesky meatballs. It seems strange why they would choose to push the
sale of their worst dish, when everything on the standard menu is tip-top. So
I'd suggest our readers to visit but listen to your gut and not the waiter.
However, don’t listen to your gut the next day as reports of gas factor were of
the extreme, seemingly all of us needing a dabble with TTT's bucket and hose.
We all chalked this up to our taster of the meatball.
One strange thing noticed on the way home was the
Horsforth Veterinary Surgery, which looked more like a boutique bordello,
rather than somewhere you'd go to take care of your pussy or doggy
needs.....well.....let's not go there!
Until next time, cheers.
Danny
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