As host of the festive club, I decided to have December's
instalment in our own backyard - Morley borough. Partly due to my
post-surgery-peg-leg state, thus avoiding the hustle and bustle of the big city
but also down to the fact that I was yet to sample the delights of Morley's
new(ish) curry establishment, which had been making noise around local
campfires. The usual Thursday night jaunt was cast aside for a preferred Christmas Sunday
session, which allowed for guest appearances from FONO debutant David Frost, a
chef by trade and so worthy of curry critique, and stalwart FONO regular Andy
Graham, whose attendance outshines some actual members.
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| The great tinsel jungle of Morley |
The club got underway in the Carriers Arms, of which some of the boys are staple fixtures, mainly because it's a good, reliable boozer with
plenty of screens to take in 'the match'. As always with the festive club, the
WAGS sent the men packing Christmas cards and so the obligatory exchange is
made. I got myself settled on a stool at the bar, crutches at my side, awaiting
my pint of York Brewery's aptly named 'Guzzler'; TTT rocked in, in his usual
whirlwind style and clattered my operated leg within 10 seconds. To his credit,
he apologised…unsurprisingly thrice.
The club moves on to the town centre, into Wetherspoons,
known locally as Wethers' or 'Spoons #imagination. The group fondly reminisced about Matty's Dusseldorf stag do over a few pints of the lovely Shipyard ale,
which has close similarities to the legendary but deadly Carling Premier. After
Matty Soprano voiced his anger at nobody hosting a NYE party, there
was just enough time for an 'aussie light' (a swift half) in the Queen. A sight
not to be missed, The Queen Christmas decorations are a local attraction, with
no part of the ceiling left uncovered by the old school shiny decorations.
Having to stoop to avoid dangerously low hanging tinsel, the halves were consumed and it
was time to hop in our taxis to head out of town to dine at Table 27.
Table 27, Morley, Leeds.
Situated in the same lot as a car garage, it seems a strange
location for a restaurant but it's smart exterior appeals nonetheless. Upon
entry, things seem a bit chaotic but the staff soon turned their attentions our
way when they noticed TTT - who for some reason seems to have
legendary status at Table 27, as his hand is shaken more times than James
Bond's Martini. Once he had finished posing for photos, we were escorted to the
table, and a very bouncy carpet made us feel like we'd stepped into a boxing
ring - so we were thankful it was only a half in the Queen.
Drinks ordered and the popadoms arrived straight away, and
they're lovely - non greasy and accompanied by an excellent sauce tray which
included a lovely lime pickle. The service was quick and attentive (a theme
which lasted throughout the night) and our food order is taken with a Hari
Murgh Masala, Chicken Jalfrezi, Fish Machli, Duck Banghla and TTT bullishly
ordering 3 accompanying chapattis, no doubt in a bid to maintain his legendary status
among the staff. And he didn’t stop there, with the outlandish claim he
regularly carries £500k in his wallet as he is spoon-fed by one of the waiters.
Returning back from this insane parallel universe, we awaited our starter, and as a festive
Indian soundtrack played overhead, we noticed something strange. In what must
be an attempt at transparency of cleanliness, Table 27 washes its dishes in a
bucket in the middle of the restaurant. Odd.
After a reasonably tasty mixed platter starter, the mains
arrived with 'cleaned before our very eyes' cutlery. Experienced in matters of
curry that we are, the group was keen to see what professional Chef Frosty's
thoughts were - and he relayed that the food was hot in temperature, a good
sign #wisdom. It didn’t take a professional to note that a hair in the curry was
a bad sign, as was the unfortunate case for Vinny, but other than that the
mains were generally well received, and not oily either which is a plus. Vinny and Grimes did express that their mains were more like a starter in a hot sauce, so only received an 'alright' verdict. Not
content with just signing autographs, TTT decided it was time to be the rock n
roll celebrity, sabotaging Gled's curry with a glass of spilled water. The dish, ruined.
Meanwhile, guest Andy Graham started to show signs of why perhaps he hasn't
become a fully-fledged member of the club (yet!) - spilling curry all over his jeans
and only managing a third of his main due to gorging on the starter. Rookie. He topped off his curry credentials by responded to the waiters
question of "Have you been here before?" with "I'm not a big
curry drinker". Of course we all regularly enjoy a pint of Madras. It was
time to hit the road, and as the bill was being settled - which was a
reasonable £210 considering we had 12 diners - the waiters kindly offered a
glass of Bailey's to finish, which was a nice touch, albeit unwanted after some big portions. Wayyyy. Lads.
Reports of Gas the next day were minimal, which is always
good and so overall an enjoyable night with good food and great service, but
perhaps the public display of dishwashing needs a rethink.
Until next time, cheers and ho-ho-ho
Danny
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