Bengal Brasserie - Leeds (December 2017)

Some people believe that Christmas is a time of miracles, and maybe it is for our dear readers - as here is brand new entry in the curry club blog! Yes, somewhere in the midst of wrapping presents, putting tinsel on trees and eating copious amounts of sugary treats – 10 wise men managed to squeeze in a trip to Leeds centre to enjoy the festive edition of curry club.

The host was yours truly, and thanks to previous stints as Christmas club host, I knew to prep for a big night, just like good old Santa Claus himself. As such, a table was pre-booked at the newly opened Bengal Brasserie opposite Leeds arena and club member Danny Grimes, as giddy as Will Ferrell’s Elf, demanded we all wear Christmas jumpers to mark the occasion. So you can imagine everyone’s disappointment when we all met in the Headrow House, cleverly located on the Headrow, to find Grimes sporting his standard check oxford shirt and no Christmas jumper. From a man who takes fashion seriously, we were expecting big things. Perhaps a jumper reminiscent of Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’ video. But alas, we were all left ‘Scrooged’.

He wasn’t the only one mind, Gled continued his high school excuses with “it was in the wash”, Dockers claimed he “doesn’t own one” and didn’t have the creative mind of Neil Buchanan to just simply throw some glitter on himself, and Broady went with the tried and tested ‘I forgot’.

The Headrow House has some fine beverages on offer, as the group enjoyed a few pots of Five Points Ale and Pilsner Urquell – which was served in frosted glasses too #refreshing. Not all were happy with the selection though as Matty ‘The Guinness Man’ Burton grumbled as they did not offer his lifeblood of the black stuff, and so turned to the dark beer Schneider Weisse. Although it wouldn’t keep him alive, it kept the man quiet for a while. We stimulated our minds with the usual low level conversation pieces, as Vinny recalled a tale of a past encounter with a lady with a glass eye – prompting Scott to contemplate utilising the empty eye socket for extra ‘fun times’. This could be new depths.

As we moved on, TTT – who went full Christmas with his reindeer jumper hood combo - lunged about like a mad man through the streets but alas this was not the reason we were refused entry into the Belgrave Music Hall. Although it was a midweek early evening, and in a sober state, re-enforced by Gled carrying bags of shopping - it was deemed there was no room at the inn for a group of Gentlemen looking for pre-curry shelter. Too many Joseph’s, not enough Mary’s. Thankfully, the club was given sanctuary in Rum & Reason across the way. So to Belgrave we say ‘Bah humbug’! A swift one in Manhatta so TTT could show off his dance moves, hoping for a few carrots, it was on to our dining destination.

Bengal Brassiere – Leeds City Centre

A very stylish and modern décor, Bengal Brassiere oozes sophistication and it was well matched by the warm welcome from finely dressed staff. Ushered to our seat, we were soon enjoying our popadoms– which came with a tray of 6 different pickles! The waiter began to take our mains order in clockwise order, but TTT decided to jump from 2 to 6pm, perhaps jumping the gun due to his excess energy levels not extinguished through busting enough reindeer moves. Back on track, the waiter took our order from a fine menu, with plenty of fish variety to quench Vinny’s inevitable aquatic creature thirst. As we awaited the starter, poor Jay-dog had to watch the very last piece of popadom agonisingly fall to the floor. Never mind, he didn’t have to wait long as the mixed grill starters arrived, and were sizzling so much, we lost Broady in the smoke. But wow – the sizzling starters were very tasty, piping hot and fresh.

As we await the mains, our attention is turned to the creepy Christmas music sang by children – an unsavoury distraction from an otherwise pleasing atmosphere. With Christmas music now on our minds, a question was asked whether Gary Glitter’s festive hit should be allowed on compilation albums – we all concluded, it should not. This did lead to Tony’s wild claim that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were ‘up to no good’ along with Glitter – and it is here I point out that the club firmly did not agree with these allegations based on nothing against the rock legends.

Ho ho ho

The mains arrived and rivalled the starters for their culinary excellence. Thick sauces, and quality meat a plenty from the specials, classic curries to Tandoori grills - all members were more than satisfied diners. Discussion turned to movies, with favourite Christmas films at the forefront. Selections ranged from the classics like It’s A Wonderful Life, to more modern greats like Die Hard and Home Alone. What was great to hear was that TTT’s favourite Christmas film of all time was….Ghostbusters. Classic Tony answer probably mistaking the Stay Puft marshmellow mans exploded parts for snow. He did redeem himself with Trading Places though and most likely his choice rested firmly on Jamie-Lee Curtis' 'shoulders'...ahem.

Looking good, feeling good

Coming in at £250 for 10 diners, it’s slightly on the pricier side but considering the quality of food and service, it’s worth the little extra. And they very kindly gave a festive Bailey’s gratis. This seemed to fuel the testosterone and bravado in some as Scott and Docker’s duelled at arm wrestling, of which Scott triumphed rather comfortably. He then called out the other silverback of the group, Broady who was full of big game talk like ‘you’re built for show, I’m built to go’ but alas, he shirked the challenge – claiming he needed 10 minutes to get an erection to boost his performance. I’m not entirely sure he grasped the concept of an arm wrestle and thankfully, we left before he could ‘rise to the occasion’.

On that note, all members of the club would like to wish you all a very, very merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Cheers

Danny

Merry Christmas, love the club!

Mims Café & Restaurant, Dewsbury (May 2017)

Tonight is your night bro'....

Everybody relax, we’re here! Apologies to our regular, and irregular, readers. The curry club is alive and well I can assure you – it’s just that our resident blog correspondent has been a little preoccupied with big wig takeover bids and the pending arrival of his twins. 

So, having missed a few out it was Daniel Grimes Esq who had to step up to the mark. He decided we would go to Mims Café & Restaurant in Dewsbury. There were 3 absentees, Liam, Vinny and Steve, who were missed by most but when this information was shared with the group, our benefactor for the evening was wringing his hands with delight imagining all the gold coins he would be saving – what with Mims being a BYOB joint, would this evening be a record breaking low for total cost??

Greed is good but not for the gas factor

We met at the Leggers Inn, around a few corners in the middle of an industrial estate - all of a sudden you happen upon a canal with moored barges and a hint of romance. However, this was marred a little when we realised they seemed to be hosting a biker rally that evening. Circa 50 leather clad bikers revving and comparing engines whist discussing who’s batch of crystal meth was the purest. We opted to stand outside and wait for everyone and reminisced about the last time we were there and TTT stormed into the beer garden complaining ‘it took 2 taxis and a train to get there’ and being so focussed on his rant, not only did he nearly fall in the canal, he walked into the boat house instead of the pub. It’s a first up best dressed policy in this club. This time TTT, familiar with his surroundings, rocked up looking like a shammy leather was draped over his ultra-tanned face. Who knows where he has been.

Nice pixels

Stepping off the Sons Of Anarchy set, we headed indoors where we pondered the question - what does your character choice in the classic arcade game Golden Axe say about you? This raised concerns for Scott and Grimes who confessed they opted for the Dwarf, but all were in agreement that the Warrior Princess certainly knew how to 'swing a sword' and she 'rode a dragon' like her life depending on it. We moved indoors and Fagan advised us all we had to be at the restaurant no later than 21:45 or else we would not be fed. This information was passed to him via the waitress as he dropped off the 12 bottles of Bierre d’alsace we would be having with our meal. We pressed him on this, given we have heard these kinds of threats before and adopted a devil may care attitude towards them. But it seems the waitress was adamant as she had ‘college the next day’. Never let it be said the club stands in the way of learning and we wish her all the best with her typing exam today.

Mims Café & Restaurant, Dewsbury

I hate snakes in my balti

Most of the bikers had dispersed by the time we were leaving, although we did have our own cannonball run on the way to the eatery as 4 of the 8 were driving, 50% of whom got lost. Daniel ran through the door like Indiana Jones minus the bull whip and fedora, I think in fear of missing our birth. He had nothing to fear, we were welcomed with enthusiasm and shown to our table. It took me a while to realise, but we have been here before, I was trying to tell an amusing story about a former club member and the waiters were interrupting key moments with regular comedy timing – leaving me exhausted and giving up the ghost. Popadoms arrived (1 each), good pickle tray with all the usual suspects – 1 mixed starter ordered between 2 (philanthropy!) – mains ordered and the Cobra ‘de-corked’. I especially liked the attention to detail from the waiter asking us how strong/mild we would like our dishes, as with most things in life, one size does not fit all.

Mixed starters were top drawer, succulent chops, kebab, fish (very spicy), chicken, fried onions all cooked to perfection – I assume they tasted as good as they looked but I couldn’t get Dockers out of the way to get my snout in the trough. Mains and sundries arrived with uber efficiency – very good portions and very clean were the comments from most, by which we meant there wasn’t a hint of grease or oil to be seen. Unbelievably most polished theirs off, personally I had to bag half of mine up (no diggity). As the plates and bowls were cleared away with ruthless aplomb, I noticed on the specials board a selection of desserts. A rare bird indeed. A selection of 3. Dad though, had decided we’d had a good day, enough was enough and it was time for bed…..AWWWWWW DAAAAAD, JUST 10 MORE MINUTES?!?!?!

The food was excellent, the service was outstanding and the price was extremely competitive. As your writer predicted, an all time low – in fact it was reminiscent of the 5 men days - £125 + £6.99 for the beer, half of which went back with the person who bought them.

I'm bagging up

Thanks Dan, much enjoyed and appreciated – until next time folks, stay lucky.

Matty