Mirchiz, Rothwell (October 2016)

Guess who just got back today, them wild-eyed boys that had been away. Haven't changed that much to say but man, I still think them cats are crazy! Yes, the curry club boys were back for another season and amongst the old faces were new members Steve and Jay, making their curry club debuts. The squad was not complete however, with seasoned clubman Danny Grimes unavailable due to his better half rather selfishly booking a relaxing Durham getaway in some swanky hotel. I'm sure under his grateful smile was a deep sadness of curry denial #poetry. To kick off the season, club founder Gled decided to have us venture further afield with a trip to Rothwell. Unfamiliar territory but some good prep' meant all pre-curry beverages were had in The Black Bull and with Ossett Brewery ales on offer, such as the delightful Yorkshire Blonde, and the classis Tetley's which TTT had injected through an IV for the night, there was no need to find anywhere else.

"I designed this f#ckin course, so I can play in what I want!"

Inevitably, whenever new blood is initiated, tales are regaled about past club's and we enjoyed running through some high and low lights from down the line - including the unexpected treasure of stumbling on the Leeds Celtics Cheerleader Awards in 2014 - great days, great club! Perhaps our tails wagged more than usual due to our joy of the club being back in all our lives, but the beer seemed to flow fast, causing debutant Steve to fall victim to a fine faux pas when saying he'd once played on a golf course that was designed by Jack Nicholson. The triple Oscar winner is clearly multi-talented.

With the curry house on the horizon, we finished our final beers talking about the emergence of Netflix and the great shows available. This resulted in the mocking of Gled who is so far behind the times, he informed us that he'd only just moved on from VHS to DVD, starting off his collection with season 1 of One Foot In The Grave.

Mirchiz, Rothwell, Leeds

Mirchiz is very modern, and 'slick' in appearance which is all well and good, but seems to sacrifice any sense of heart and soul that some restaurants have managed to balance alongside. A decent welcome from the staff adds some warmth and the popadoms arrive sharpish, which is nice. As we perused the menu, Gled displayed another bout of good prep' as he distributed the bottles of Cobra he had dropped off at the restaurant earlier - due to the lack of alcohol license. Some unusual but intriguing choices are available at Mirchiz, with Duck tikka cooked in a bhuna style sauce and Venison in a Massala sauce catching the eye in particular. The Tandoori Trout option prompted memories of the once delectable Leslie Ash of Men Behaving Badly fame - perhaps a new DVD for Gled to consider in his collection, of which space and money could be saved simply by watching UK Gold.

The starters arrive, with a good selection in the mix of Mirchiz Mix and Vegetarian Mix options - including a 'spring roll' which although usually accustomed to another type of Asian food, was a welcome addition. As the large starters were consumed and enjoyed for the most part, Vinny recalled something from his teenage years which would scar most but is a funny anecdote in his back catalogue, as he tells us when on a holiday he pleasured himself to the moans and groans from the adjacent hotel room, believing it was a raucous sexual encounter of two young, supple lovers - only to discover it was in fact his father suffering from a bad case of food poisoning. Not the best topic for dining, but it didn’t stop Scott enjoying two lamb chops, leaving others to pick at bones like post-apocalyptic scavengers.

Time for the mains. We're presented with large dishes, which it turns out are needed to hold the monster sized portions within them. The lovely thick sauce and endless meat was very tasty, and enjoyed all-round the table, perfectly accompanied by non greasy naans and what was described by Matty as the 'nicest bombay-aloo we've had'. Scott managed to finish off his curry, which considering the size of portion and eating everyone's lamb chops in the starter was doubly impressive. Nobody else managed to finish, yet there was no bagging up (no diggity) but most likely due to the lack of strength ability to carry such a portion home in both arms and belly.

The group is supplied with After Eights as Liam sorted out the bill, coming in at a decent £170 (not including the Cobra) for a strong starting curry to the season - it was time to depart. I can't speak for anyone else's journey home but mine was great, watching Matty attempt to figure out the digital radio and failing miserably, then having a few James Brown numbers boom out of the speakers which led to Broady playing Eddie Murphy's Delirious impersonation of James and other hilarious snippets from the show. And speaking of brown, reports came in for the following days 'gas factor' that the majority of members were sweating like the showman himself after a 4 hour gig but rather a 4 hour toilet stint. I'm sure I even heard in the whispers of the wind 'Get up offa that thing, and dance 'till you feel better' but alas James, I could not…I could not.

Until next time

Cheers

Danny

Bengal Brasserie, Kirkstall/Burley, Leeds (August 2016)

The last instalment for the season fell on debutant Anthony 'Dockers' Dockray shoulders, and not only did he display tremendous courage in choosing a restaurant that we had not tried before, but also bravery in a new pre-curry activity….Laser Tag! Obviously needing some pre-war pints, the arrangement was made to meet in the Aire Of The Dog in the Cardigan Fields Retail Park, on Kirkstall Road. Alas, we couldn’t find this place as it had shut down but the Bridgewater Arms Flaming Grill  was its suitable replacement. Due to Gled and Matty having a pre-arranged late round of golf, and Vinny Vine's work dinner, the squad was depleted. Perhaps the fear of taking a laser blast to the balls was more of a factor than they'd let on. A couple of swift pints amongst the aroma of giant burgers and steaks could be argued as bad 'prep' for battle and curry, but it is the path we chose.

A day in the Marine Corps is like a day on the farm...

Upon arriving at Laser Zone, we limbered up with some impressive touching of toes. After which, we discovered we wouldn’t just be playing with ourselves (waaayyyyy) but against another team, a team who was some years our junior. The briefing room was tense, akin to Sergeant Apone's speech in Aliens, and TTT took the role of joker asking if 'petting' was allowed when the instructor informed us the rules of engagement. It was met with a good chuckle by all. It was here we discovered a third team was already waiting in the arena, so we were to be involved in a serious '3 way dance'. Once equipped with our guns and armour, into the fray we went. Moving in a 5 metre spread formation, no sound, we looked good and took defensive placements near the first corner we found. Backs to the wall, we could see the enemy approaching and take them out. Out of the blue, Broady was shot. I was shot. Scott was shot. In a panic, Grimes shot TTT and Dockers shot Grimes. Dockers was then shot. Where was the attack coming from? We couldn’t figure it out and panic stricken we spent the next 5 minutes shooting each other. In real combat it would have been a friendly fire bloodbath. We soon realised there was an upstairs, and a team of student laser quest regulars had pitched themselves on the higher ground, picking us off at every available opportunity. It was time to move out, keep mobile, keep moving, keep shooting, take the fight to them. But alas we were just as crap on the move, creating carnage throughout the arena, with TTT commando rolling all over the place and Grimes crushing me with his arse in my face when I was in deep cover. Needless to say we finished last. The stats showed Scott was our best warrior, but basically this was for his 'friendly fire' body count being in single figures.

Off to the bowling alley to meet Vin and commiserate ourselves with a pint. A sweaty bunch, we cooled off and discussed future plans for the club. I suggested we get t-shirts made up to command respect in the restaurants but Broady thought bigger, wanting a franchise throughout the country. Time to finish off the season and move to Bengal Brassiere.

Bengal Brassiere, Kirkstall/Burley, Leeds

Located up a dark, unassuming residential street, Bengal Brassiere is small but smartly presented. It was a terrific welcome too, with the waiters shaking our hands like we'd known them years. Dressed in Polo's and windbreakers, Gled and Matty arrived along with FONO first timer Jason 'Stubbsy' Stubbs, who's 6 foot 7 inch frame suggests some extra naans would be consumed. Surely after playing 18 holes in monsoon conditions would mean these boys were ready for a decent meal. Drinks ordered as we perused the fine selection of different dishes available, it went unnoticed by most - but not the writer of this blog - that no poppadoms or pickle tray was had. Did it matter? Not a jot, as the starters arrived super swiftly, and nicely presented too. With enough to go round, the mixed platter was decent though not world beating.

As we awaited the mains, a tale was regaled about TTT's power necking session in Leeds over the weekend, as photo evidence of his firm 'grip' on the situation was passed around and enjoyed. We didn’t have to wait long either, as the mains arrived in an efficient and prompt service that occurred throughout the night. Again, well presented, the curry dishes were left on a hot plate in the centre of the table. This was a nice touch which kept our curries warm as we enjoyed the lovely, flavoursome food, which encouraged Matty to finish his dish rather than taking home for tomorrows lunch. The fact that Vinny finished his 2nd meal of the evening also was a testament to the good food on offer. When all the naans, rice and curries were devoured, a discussion was had on our favourite post curry 'sweet', whether this be the classic mint imperial, aniseed torpedoes or fruity lollipop. It was decided the chocolate mint got the gold medal and the staff must have been listening, as we were presented with said chocolate. Lovely. And the fantastic service didn’t stop there, as we were offered a complimentary short of which we duly obliged to toast the end of a great season. Whiskey, Amaretto and Drambuie was the chosen digestif's, and FONO Stubbsy enjoyed his first ever Drambuie that much, I fear he will be using it as a milk substitute on his morning cornflakes.

Making your way in the world today, takes everything you've got...

Overall, Bengal Brassiere was a delight - nice food and such fantastic service means this is a little hidden gem and worthy of a revisit. As with many of our restaurants, it has failed to tackle the 'gas' factor, with everybody reporting a bit of 'bubble and squeak' but it is a small price to pay once a month for good food, great company and terrific ambience.

Roll on next season, until then.

Cheers

Danny

AM Kitchen, Leeds (April 16...although held in June. Apologies!)

After a 2 month hiatus, a la Paul Newman in Colour of Money, The Curry Club ‘Is Back!’. No-one is sadder than the members that we’ve been away for so long, but honeymoons, stag do’s and weddings meant that it was tough to get everyone together. There was even a last minute postponement on the cards as our resident blog writer and lothario Dan advised us that he couldn’t make it. The rumour mill was in full working order since we were clueless to his none attendance. We’ve since learned he was calling the bingo at a local community centre as part of his community service, great work Dan, great work. 

So, it was over to TTT as Chair for this month’s club, initially siting a place in Harehills for the meal itself. For reasons unclear this was altered to the more familiar and traditional Leeds City centre, your writer suspects a lack of body armour and grenades was the more likely of any explanation.

Our usual course to the venue takes us to a number of pubs and bars, on this occasion however we just propped up the bar at Wrens, a good boozer. Real ale, Guinness and conversation were in full flow. The only thing missing was Vinny, who by all accounts (his), was busy securing victory for his cricket team.

AM Kitchen, Leeds centre.

After about 6 pints of our favourite libation it was time to head to the venue, AM Kitchen, which feels like an old friend and is usually a main stay on the Curry Club rotation. ‘Table for 8!’ was the request at the top of Tony’s lungs and although the place was pretty quiet, they sat us directly next to a lone diner. If this man was in a good mood then we felt sure this would alter in the next 90 minutes.

Drinks ordered, it was time for the food. After the usual attempted 'upsell' by the maître d', we settled for 5 mixed starters to share. In fairness these were not the best they’ve produced, a varied selection and perfectly fine – but firmly in the average column.

In-between courses the conversation moved from ‘Do pineapple and fried egg belong on a pizza?’ to ‘Should Britain remain in the EU?’. With the referendum a week away there were strong arguments from both socialists and capitalists alike. Never let it be said that The Club doesn’t push the boundaries, as this type of conversation is unprecedented. The main reason for this seemed to be Dan’s absence as it seems he’s the one that steers the conversation to toilet humour and ladies’ parts.

As the mains arrived our lone diner on the adjacent table toddled off to pay his bill and I’m sure negotiate a discount for having to be near such a monstrous rabble. Broadly speaking the main courses were below par. Those sticking to the more traditional option seemed to be rewarded, while those selecting some type of special were disappointed. No-one was interested in taking what was left home, which tells it’s own story in many ways. The bill was fair at approximately £20 per head but it is safe to say that AM Kitchen usually produces much better food and we are sure that this experience will be the exception rather than the rule.

Once the plates were cleared it was back to the hot topics of the moon landings, 9/11 and the EU debate. While most were dealing in opinion and dressing it up as fact, it was much nicer to experience healthy debate at the end of a curry club. Although I do take exception to being told ‘You can all vote how you like, but if you vote LEAVE then you are wrong!’. All these opinions did muddy the waters for poor old Tony though, as he still thinks Brexit is something that McVities make.

MaTTy BurTon

East (At Enigma), Horsforth (January 2016)

ADULT HUMOUR: The club kick-started the new year with a jaunt to Horsforth for January's edition and so it only seemed right to meet in the aptly named 'Horsforth' pub. Busy with diners, it was difficult to find a spot where we couldn’t smell the food and so the hunger struck the group early. Fresh from a weekend at Haydock races for Gledhill's last stand before his forthcoming nuptials - which was also the reason for his absence - chat inevitably focussed on our day at the nags, and many a giggle was shared over our unique game of Jenga on frequently mentioned former member Crazy Martin. Surely up there with the time we put some spoons in his shoe and he didn’t notice, and couldn’t figure out why he sounded like John Wayne as he walked. Great days. We moved on to the Kobe Bar on New Road Side, which was nice and busy with an acoustic artist playing in the background. It was here we discovered it was 'Phil Collins Day' - I don’t know how or why, maybe there was just 'something in the air' that night, badum tish - be sure to tip your waitress. We then headed across the road to the Forge Bar, which was a really nice establishment with fine ales on offer and again we're serenaded with an acoustic act. With just 7 minutes to go before our 10pm booked slot, Matty, TTT and Dockers opted to get another pint. 'Against all odds' (wayyy) they managed to turbo these down in time to move on, ready to dine.

East (At Enigma), New Road Side, Horsforth

After we had negotiated the tight stairwell, the group was greeted in nice surroundings and led straight to the table without delay. We were presented with fine leather embossed menus, showing early signs of quality, sparing no expense #johnhammond . The waiter notified us of a special meatball curry, and he sold it with a confidence akin to Swiss Tony selling a Nissan Cherry. But trained in curry as we are, we didn’t fall for his pitch, well most of us anyway. TTT manned up for the meatball curry, and other dishes ordered included a Hyderabad, a Lamb Monty and a Nassar and Khass (a type of brandy) in what was a great menu selection on offer it has to be said. Host Scott showed some reluctance when it came to the sundry order, perhaps saving pennies for his wedding, which was also on the horizon in what is a busy wedding season for the club. And some say 'You Can't Hurry Love'.

With this in mind, Scott's stag do came to the fore, and although a few weeks away needed to be discussed due to, let's say some substandard communication from his best man. This brought forth one of the highlights of the evening as Tony, in true TTT fashion delivered a killer random question on the man's profession - "He's a military man isn't he? He's a military man, a military man, a military military military man." Needless to say, we've approached Status Quo as a possible follow up hit to 'In The Army Now'. After finishing our poppadoms, accompanied by a limited pickle tray selection, we notice a blanket of smoke coming from the kitchen and so we fear for our sizzler starters. We can only assume the first batch intended for our table perished as unfortunately, we had a long 45 minute wait for them to eventually arrive. Thankfully, the old proverb is proven correct and good things do come to those who wait. The mixed sizzlers were absolutely sensational - plenty of delicious fish, chops, kebab and chicken to go around and none was left for the crows. Although only a secondary aspect, even the side salad was higher quality than normal and so the starters warranted their 'best starter ever' tag from most members.

Hoping for a shorter wait time for the mains, we entertained ourselves as TTT explained his use of a hosepipe and bucket, but not for washing windows. This lead to the invention of a new TV show called Men Behaving Retardedly, starring TTT and Crazy Martin. Are you reading Channel 5? The mains arrived in better time, albeit still slow and in a desperate bid to get his meatball commission, the waiter brought two portions. 10/10 for effort. Aside from said meatball dish, all the mains were delicious and enjoyed thoroughly by all, with a very fresh taste and a great consistency of sauce over big chunks of meat. Superb stuff. The size of the portions meant there was some 'bagging up' (no diggity) but the leftover meatballs were left well alone. We all had a taste and were in agreement with Tony, they were not very good.

Overall, a fantastic meal but let down by slow service and those pesky meatballs. It seems strange why they would choose to push the sale of their worst dish, when everything on the standard menu is tip-top. So I'd suggest our readers to visit but listen to your gut and not the waiter. However, don’t listen to your gut the next day as reports of gas factor were of the extreme, seemingly all of us needing a dabble with TTT's bucket and hose. We all chalked this up to our taster of the meatball.

One strange thing noticed on the way home was the Horsforth Veterinary Surgery, which looked more like a boutique bordello, rather than somewhere you'd go to take care of your pussy or doggy needs.....well.....let's not go there!

Until next time, cheers.

Danny