“Now I have a poppadom. Ho – Ho – Ho.” Yes, the Christmas
club was upon us and hosting duties fell on the club’s resident Santa – myself.
Again. Every year. The perfect time to need a spare few hundred quid to feed an
eager, hungry troop of men. Some comrades were absent though, with Vinny Vine
in the Southern States, Steve Dobson doing a Dickens by becoming the ghost of
curry’s past, and Danny Grimes a victim of the festive lurgy - although he
didn’t confirm if it was the nose or bum. I often find a curry aids the former
and as we all know fuels the latter. Numbers were boosted however by a FONO
appearance of former club member, who was back home for Christmas, the
‘Englishman in Penrith’ Listep (“Oh oh, I’m an alien, I’m an illegal alien.”)
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| Giving TTT the finger |
Meeting took place in the relatively new Box bar in Leeds
centre, a branch of the popular Headingley joint. With its American sports bar
vibe, the pints of Blue Moon and Budvar flowed well, suggesting we’d not
reached our swill capacity over the Christmas period just yet. Matty and Jay
dog had even been out since 2pm, so there was a danger at least one of them
could be face down in a Bhuna come dining time. I did enjoy Matty’s reasoning
of frequent afternoon boozing as “it’s only like drinking water isn’t it?”
Wisdom to pass on to our children - and our children’s children.
After some initial family chit chat and a resounding
agreement that Norman Price from Pontypandy should be on an ASBO, the general
manliness was resumed as we entertained ourselves with footage on Broady’s
phone courtesy of ‘Steve Shark’ productions – mainly of stuff you won’t find on
Google. Or the normal internet. Maybe that dark dodgy one.
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| The Madras was quite spicy! |
As we moved on to another relatively new bar, Craft Asylum –
this wasn’t met with optimism from some as we walked through its doors. Broady
announced his displeasure with the clientele being ‘frickin millennials’ (only
he didn’t use frickin’) and Listep (auto-corrected into my notes as Lobster on my
phone) exclaimed his belief that we had “already exceeded our limit of
craft ale places”. Both statements were said at volume. Craft ale purchased, a
healthy debate ensued based on my statement that Raiders Of The Lost Ark had
too many scary bits to be shown at 2 in the afternoon - which it was that day. I mean that end scene
with melting faces is still terrifying now! Surely?! Tony felt that Jaws was
also ok for afternoon viewing. I’m sure kids will be happy to see a man bitten
in half and eaten alive before their fish fingers and chips. I personally think
he was getting mixed up with Free Willy. The actual Free Willy too, not the
Steve Shark production on Broady’s phone. With the table booked, it was time to
make tracks to the restaurant – a journey which saw Tony being a good citizen
and helping someone pick up their bottles of Bud that they’d dropped on the
floor. They thanked him for his kind gesture but the club members were wise to
his actual intentions of angling for a free beer. As Cliff Richard says,
Christmas is a time for giving….free beer.
A nice looking place, we were promptly shown to our table
with ‘throne’ like chairs and handed the eco-friendly menus – maybe made of rice paper? Now as everybody knows the first thing you want to do in a
restaurant is piss off the staff to ensure your curry is spiked. So as our
drink order was taken and waiter summarised with “So about 5 Cobra’s and 3
Kingfishers?” Matty murderously looked him in the eye and told him “No – not
about. How about you bring us what we actually ordered. Capiche?” I think after
that the staff knew we meant business as the food order switched to a lady and
the service there onwards was highly efficient - likely through fear of Matty’s
wrath.
After devouring the ‘pops’ the starters then arrived, which
was a mix of seafood, vegetable and meat platters – and these were delicious!
And plenty! The fish in particular received rave reviews from all members –
with some touting it the best fish starter ever. Anticipation for the mains was
high after this, and thankfully did not disappoint – the food was very tasty
and lots of it. I couldn’t tell you what everyone had as I was too engrossed in
my Rogan Josh. Mmm. With such large portions (ooh matron), some food was left
for bagging up – which was done by Matty #nodiggity. He bagged up everybody’s
remains for what was sure to be a mish mash of curry flavours for the following
days lunch. After all, he needed to fuel up for another session it seemed as he
attempted to entice Listep in another 2pm start - giving him stick for putting
a Christmas visit to his mum over sitting with him in the Morley Mercantile
for 6 hours.
Members were chanting for me ‘to do a Gledhill’ and demand
shots on the house but my polite approach to the manager fell on deaf ears. All
was not lost though as I was told I could have as many mint imperials as I’d
like. Score. Broady took a few for the long journey back to his car, thanks to
Matty making him park closer to Zimbabwe than Leeds centre. Coming in at £235,
it is on the higher side of the price line but for excellent food and ‘mmm lots’ of
it, it’s probably worth it.
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| Cheers for reading! |
An entertaining journey home in Gledhill’s car as Matty was
caught checking his pulse – “it’s just something I do now”. Probably for the
best. There was also a debate on toilet roll usage and just how many sheets are
needed, per wipe, post poo. The consensus seemed to agree 3 or 4 sheets, folded
for that extra ply was a better option than Matty’s ludicrous World War 1 ration of 1 sheet per wipe
ratio. Wash your hands Matty. Wash those hands.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year from the Curry Club!
Until next time,
Danny
