Rupyal restaurant, Stanningley, July 2019

On a swelteringly hot evening in sunny Stanningley, our band of hungry brothers assembled for the next instalment of curry club. Our man Anthony ‘Dockers’ Dockray was the host for the evening and had opted for meeting at the Waggon & Horses public house with the meal planned for 9.30pm on the dot (yes dad) at Rupyal Restaurant.

All were suitably attired in summer gear, shorts and sunglasses aplenty, a rare appearance at any club but Dockers does always seem to land on fine weather for his gathering. The sun clearly shines on the righteous. A delightful pair of purple Converse were sported by our man TTT, they may have even first made an appearance on Tony’s first ever pub crawl which he informed us was in 1985, the year of Live Aid, that took in this very establishment.

Anybody find me...some purple Converse.

Two absentees were registered in the form of Danny O MIA and Creth O MMA. Creth is currently engaged in a training schedule inspired by that of Ivan Drago in Rocky 4 and couldn’t chance upsetting his carefully planned nutrition programme with a curry of unknown provenance. Word reached us that Danny has a gig planned for the next day and didn’t want to risk any injury to his delicate pinkies by lifting heavy pints and forkfuls of curry.

An immediate discussion point upon entering the ‘Waggon’ was the fact that Gled made short work of getting rid of one of his ‘hot’ £50 notes handed to him in the cab en route to the pub by Matthew. The club can only speculate what kind of deal had been done to lead to two ‘niftys’ been handed over early doors but the suggestion that Gled may be the kingpin of an organised crime gang cannot be discounted.

Conversation quickly turned to ‘faceapp’, most of us being introduced to it by Creth with some absolutely stunning results for some. Our man Scott was undoubtedly the star of the ‘faceapp’ show. Honourable mentions go to Liam ‘Lennie Lawrence’ Gledhill & our long lost curry club brother, Richard ‘Prince’ Lister too.

I was very, very drunk.

We were also informed that, on a recent trip to the capital some of Matthew's colleagues had taken exception to his note-perfect rendition of 'There was an old lady who swallowed a fly' on the train back home. The club were baffled by this mean-spiritedness towards one of our founder members, sad times when a man can't engage in an inoffensive sing-song on his way back to God's own county. 


Gled announced to the group his plans for a European sojourn to celebrate his 40^th year. Discussion turned to the beautiful cities of Europe and Matthew repeated his claims that a nice quiet weekend in Amsterdam is what’s required, a suggestion that fell on deaf ears throughout the evening with the trip organiser.

Drinks were downed and we made our way to the Jug and Barrel just up the road. TTT was delighted to see a TV outside with the cricket on but his delight soon turned to despair as he hurled a torrent of angry abuse about the quality of fielding on show before offering his opinions on another conversation about ADHD. Tony ‘The British people have had enough of experts’ Gove opted to debunk decades of behavioural study and research by declaring ‘”there’s no such thing, they’re just horrible little b**tards”. Let it not be said that the curry club doesn’t shy away from offering opinions on things we know nothing about.  

Quite right Tony.

Discussion again centred around TTT as he opined that having thrown down several tuna sandwiches on a recent day out boozing that he felt bloated and unwell and therefore could be Gluten intolerant. Quick as a flash, Scott queried this statement as he watched Tony quaff another mouthful of Erdinger asking “Is that why you’re drinking wheat beer then?" For once, TTT was rendered speechless but that may have been because of the blisters beginning to appear around his gluten intolerant lips.

Proving that it isn’t just Danny O who lowers the tone, a serious discussion on how to discipline toddlers quickly developed into a discussion on the degradation and incest that appears part of the modern p*rn online canon which our club members didn’t appear too keen on. Without stopping for breath the conversation flew on to the popular Leeds ‘Health & Leisure’ spot Winstons with clubman Jay Bailey innocently declaring “What’s Winstons?” to a chorus of derision and disbelief. It turns out though that this did appear to be genuine and Google proved the quality of their excellent search algorithms as Scott tried to find it by searching ‘Winstons knocking shop’ and there it appeared.

Well played Google

It was heartening to discover that our club members are lovers and not fighters when discussing scrapes that some had seen or been involved in over the years. Scott regaled a delightful tale of being punched in the back of the head by an unknown female #equality and Vinny fondly recalled being ready to square up to a local outside the long departed Morley nightclub ‘The Foundry’ then realising he actually could just run away and did just that. The quality of Morley drinking establishments was discussed with Vinny reminding the group that you had to ask for toilet roll to use the toilets in The Royal, a truly classy establishment.

On we went to our restaurant for the evening, Rupyal. First impressions were good with some remarking on the quality of the carpet?! This was quickly followed by the beautiful realisation that the restaurant had air conditioning.

As we all took our seats for the meal, our temporary blog author-in-chief reported that we had an unknown comment added in response to our last blog going by the name of ‘Leather on Willow’. Upon grilling of number one suspect & cricket fan Vinny it transpired that he “didn’t recall” leaving a comment about his fondness for pre-op members of the trans community and so the anonymous commenter remains a mystery.

As I’ve now realised is the case, by this point recollections of the evening become a little hazy. I do recall that poppadoms were immediate which was an excellent start, although only providing yoghurt sauce for them was a misstep though.


Dockers had dropped off beers earlier in the evening as this was a BYOB establishment and bottles of Tiger were quickly opened and enjoyed. Impressively, Dockers had already ordered our starters which was another example of excellent organisation, take note other club members. Your blog author did feel a little sheepish when I berated our host for not ordering shots until I was reminded that it was a BYOB establishment, a schoolboy error on my part. There is no forgiving the ordering of ice creams though. The dessert menus were already on our table when we arrived on this baking hot summer evening. These seemed to be quickly removed though, perhaps at the request of our host. Dockers had started the dessert trend and now he was ending it. 

I came back from the toilet to Jay being proclaimed the ‘King of Iceland’ by Matthew. I presumed this was to do with his excellent beard game and not a plan to replace Kerry Katona advertising the low-cost supermarket chain.

A very good starter plate arrived with the usual array of chops, kebabs and chicken.

A good variety of mains were chosen with diners commenting on the size of the extensive menu. Keema chicken Balti appeared to be a popular choice and with our man Creth missing his second club on the spin, our blog author shared mains with ‘The Fishmonger’ instead. Lots of comments about the slow-building spiciness of the meals which seemed to be just right for most but some did feel that their mains were too salty.

With a relatively small bill of £116 it was certainly good value and I think all club members would be very happy to return.

Jay Bailey is up next, planning on a retro gaming extravaganza in Kirkstall for the final club of the season.

There was still time for a slightly inebriated Gled to comment to our taxi driver as he inputted our postcode into his satnav, “Putting the postcode in the PDF I see”, confusing the popular file format for capturing and sending electronic documents with a satellite navigation system. An easy mistake to make, I’m sure we can all agree. Until next time.

Not a sat-nav

Gabbar - Leeds (June 2019)

To all of our readers (Hello Ukraine, hello Iran) who have been patiently waiting for the return of our blog during this fallow period, we welcome you back with the most open of arms. Your guest blogger this time is Daniel/Danny/Dan G/Grimboah (delete as appropriate), wilkommen.

Six whole months since the last blog and it seems fitting that we have returned on the club of surely the most celebrated, distinguished and blogworthy member of the club, our very own TTT.

Missing the usually steadfast presence of Crethy B who had selfishly chosen to head to Italia with his nearest and dearest rather than break bread with his band of brothers, we began our evening.

First port of call on our whistle-stop tour of Briggate was the ever-reliable Whitelocks, founded in 1715 making it the oldest pub in Leeds. Eight club members squeezed on a bench made for four on this damp June evening, poor Dockers and Vinny perched on the end trying to find a few centimetres of bench apiece. Attention quickly turned to mein host as we reminisced about blogs past, most of which have TTT being the undoubted star of the show. One hazy memory recounted was of the time Tony turned up to a club in Dewsbury, turning the air blue after an unpleasant journey that apparently took in planes, trains & automobiles. Continuing to vent his spleen TTT then headed to the boat house next door to the pub to try and order his pint, rather than the actual pub which would surely have been better equipped to quench our hosts thirst.  

Another club remembered through the blog was a trip to Table 27 in the hometown when Tony (Soprano?) wandered in greeting all the employees like a Mafioso and then casually stating that he often carries 500k in his wallet. This club was also notable for arguably the greatest one-liner of any club when one-time regular FONO Andy Graham responded to the waiter’s question of "Have you been here before?" with "Nah, I'm not a big curry drinker".

Back to this evening though and founder member Liam, known for his sartorial splendour didn’t let the side down when unzipping his jacket to reveal a charming ‘Lovejoy’ t-shirt.

Painful memories

The theme tune to Lovejoy ignited painful memories for co-founder Matthew of hitting the sack on a Sunday evening before the agony of a school week ahead. This sparked a lively discussion about other Sunday night television denoting the depressing onset of bedtime before school the next day. The jaunty Heartbeat theme tune was a particularly agonising sound to this evenings’ chronicler, and once regular blog writer Danny O gave us a haunting rendition of the Birds of a Feather theme tune, you could have heard a pin drop.

TTT took this opportunity to inform us that in Birds of a Feather, the randy neighbour ‘Doreen’ was in fact from Leeds, a cursory look on Wikipedia tells us that the actress has no connections to the West Riding whatsoever and was in fact born in North London #fakenews.



Not from Leeds

Politics popped up, as it often does with some club members lamenting the fact that a lying, unscrupulous chancer formed on the playing fields of Eton will be our next PM. Harsh words were shared about Morley’s local MP too but perhaps the worst opprobrium was reserved for the Mayor of the hometown for his choice of Lonsdale trainers whilst decked out in his Mayoral regalia showing no respect for the standards expected of high office.

Displaying a level of organisation rarely seen before in our host, we were briskly frog marched to the next watering hole. A short hop to The Ship saw Scotty 2 Hotty join the party, wisely keeping off the ale as he had orders to bark and deals to close the next day. Desperately trying hard not to offend with the bluntness of the question Matthew politely demanded of Scott ‘why are you late?’ anyway. Discussion turned to the incredible fertility of some club members, some apparently defying medical science to produce a procession of children. One member (try and guess) swears by the rhythm method and some members expressed an awareness of tantric methods, truly a diverse, spiritual club.

After what seemed like five minutes in The Ship we were whisked away again by TTT to our next stop. Our guest blog writer managed to spot our hosts plan though as I hurriedly tried to finish my pint, leaving a few dregs in the bottom, only for it to be gulped down by TTT as we left. Thirsty work cleaning windows in rainy June it would seem.

Our final stop before the meal was The Wrens, always a popular stop off. Upon arrival, our eagle-eyed once-regular blogger, Danny O spotted local soap star ‘Zak Dingle’ from Emmerdale who was far too engrossed in the women’s football match to oblige us with a selfie. Poor form from the big man but never let it be said that the club gets in the way of a man’s enjoyment of South Africa v. China Ladies #cluboffeminists #sportsbras.

"I'm watching the football"

Into the restaurant we go then, bang on time due to extraordinarily efficient host TTT. Gabbar was a new restaurant for the club and we were led upstairs to a very welcoming looking dining area. Club stalwart Vinny remarked that this might be the first time we have eaten without any other diners and it was hard to remember a quieter dining experience. The weather probably impacted on how busy the restaurant was.

On to the menu and poppadom’s came quickly with a good pickle tray, beers ordered and attention turned to mains. Rajasthani Laal Maas was a popular dish, as was the Navratan Kofta, a mashed potato dish. ‘Lamb man’ Jay Bailey even opted for the Navratan Kofta, proving how attractive the potato and paneer based dish was. We were offered the option of how hot we wanted our dish to be, always a good sign. Most opting for medium but Matthew opting for the ‘fires of hell’ strength #brave.

Poppadom's

Recollections from this instalments blog writer become hazy here as, speaking frankly, I was a bit p***ed by this point, hiccupping all the way home despite Danny’s attempts to shock them out of me as he got out of the cab. Thanks anyway Dan.

Complimentary drinks were provided for the group though which is always a nice touch. Service was good (I think!) and plates were clear by the end, suggesting the smaller than usual starter was a good thing as everyone actually had room for their mains for once.

Some members stated that they would have preferred a little more spice and some perhaps felt their dish was a bit too ‘creamy’. Personally speaking my two dishes with my new partner Vinny (sorry Creth, when the cat’s away…) were a delight, especially the mashed spuds.

At £180 for nine diners, the price was competitive although we just missed the threshold of 50% off for eight diners. Our host was very happy with the bill though regardless, as he should be, for a man who regularly has 500k in his wallet #smallchange.  

Early reports of ‘minimal gas’ and ‘solid deliveries’ suggest that this won’t be the last time we visit Gabbar. Next up will be Dockers who always puts on a delightful club, so until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

  

   

Shebabs, Leeds (December 2018)

“Now I have a poppadom. Ho – Ho – Ho.” Yes, the Christmas club was upon us and hosting duties fell on the club’s resident Santa – myself. Again. Every year. The perfect time to need a spare few hundred quid to feed an eager, hungry troop of men. Some comrades were absent though, with Vinny Vine in the Southern States, Steve Dobson doing a Dickens by becoming the ghost of curry’s past, and Danny Grimes a victim of the festive lurgy - although he didn’t confirm if it was the nose or bum. I often find a curry aids the former and as we all know fuels the latter. Numbers were boosted however by a FONO appearance of former club member, who was back home for Christmas, the ‘Englishman in Penrith’ Listep (“Oh oh, I’m an alien, I’m an illegal alien.”)

Giving TTT the finger

Meeting took place in the relatively new Box bar in Leeds centre, a branch of the popular Headingley joint. With its American sports bar vibe, the pints of Blue Moon and Budvar flowed well, suggesting we’d not reached our swill capacity over the Christmas period just yet. Matty and Jay dog had even been out since 2pm, so there was a danger at least one of them could be face down in a Bhuna come dining time. I did enjoy Matty’s reasoning of frequent afternoon boozing as “it’s only like drinking water isn’t it?” Wisdom to pass on to our children - and our children’s children.

After some initial family chit chat and a resounding agreement that Norman Price from Pontypandy should be on an ASBO, the general manliness was resumed as we entertained ourselves with footage on Broady’s phone courtesy of ‘Steve Shark’ productions – mainly of stuff you won’t find on Google. Or the normal internet. Maybe that dark dodgy one.

The Madras was quite spicy!

As we moved on to another relatively new bar, Craft Asylum – this wasn’t met with optimism from some as we walked through its doors. Broady announced his displeasure with the clientele being ‘frickin millennials’ (only he didn’t use frickin’) and Listep (auto-corrected into my notes as Lobster on my phone) exclaimed his belief that we had “already exceeded our limit of craft ale places”. Both statements were said at volume. Craft ale purchased, a healthy debate ensued based on my statement that Raiders Of The Lost Ark had too many scary bits to be shown at 2 in the afternoon - which it was that day. I mean that end scene with melting faces is still terrifying now! Surely?! Tony felt that Jaws was also ok for afternoon viewing. I’m sure kids will be happy to see a man bitten in half and eaten alive before their fish fingers and chips. I personally think he was getting mixed up with Free Willy. The actual Free Willy too, not the Steve Shark production on Broady’s phone. With the table booked, it was time to make tracks to the restaurant – a journey which saw Tony being a good citizen and helping someone pick up their bottles of Bud that they’d dropped on the floor. They thanked him for his kind gesture but the club members were wise to his actual intentions of angling for a free beer. As Cliff Richard says, Christmas is a time for giving….free beer.

Shebabs, Leeds

A nice looking place, we were promptly shown to our table with ‘throne’ like chairs and handed the eco-friendly menus – maybe made of rice paper? Now as everybody knows the first thing you want to do in a restaurant is piss off the staff to ensure your curry is spiked. So as our drink order was taken and waiter summarised with “So about 5 Cobra’s and 3 Kingfishers?” Matty murderously looked him in the eye and told him “No – not about. How about you bring us what we actually ordered. Capiche?” I think after that the staff knew we meant business as the food order switched to a lady and the service there onwards was highly efficient - likely through fear of Matty’s wrath.

After devouring the ‘pops’ the starters then arrived, which was a mix of seafood, vegetable and meat platters – and these were delicious! And plenty! The fish in particular received rave reviews from all members – with some touting it the best fish starter ever. Anticipation for the mains was high after this, and thankfully did not disappoint – the food was very tasty and lots of it. I couldn’t tell you what everyone had as I was too engrossed in my Rogan Josh. Mmm. With such large portions (ooh matron), some food was left for bagging up – which was done by Matty #nodiggity. He bagged up everybody’s remains for what was sure to be a mish mash of curry flavours for the following days lunch. After all, he needed to fuel up for another session it seemed as he attempted to entice Listep in another 2pm start - giving him stick for putting a Christmas visit to his mum over sitting with him in the Morley Mercantile for 6 hours.

Members were chanting for me ‘to do a Gledhill’ and demand shots on the house but my polite approach to the manager fell on deaf ears. All was not lost though as I was told I could have as many mint imperials as I’d like. Score. Broady took a few for the long journey back to his car, thanks to Matty making him park closer to Zimbabwe than Leeds centre. Coming in at £235, it is on the higher side of the price line but for excellent food and ‘mmm lots’ of it, it’s probably worth it.

Cheers for reading!

An entertaining journey home in Gledhill’s car as Matty was caught checking his pulse – “it’s just something I do now”. Probably for the best. There was also a debate on toilet roll usage and just how many sheets are needed, per wipe, post poo. The consensus seemed to agree 3 or 4 sheets, folded for that extra ply was a better option than Matty’s ludicrous World War 1 ration of 1 sheet per wipe ratio. Wash your hands Matty. Wash those hands.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year from the Curry Club!

Until next time,

Danny